We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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