Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
