i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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