Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
