He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
