So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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