DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I understand Curling. That high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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