Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
