god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
