girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
