i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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