Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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