My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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