the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
