I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are we still banned from the library?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
