I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
