He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
