I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
