I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
