The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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