I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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