i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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