Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
