i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
