Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
