This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
