Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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