so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
