Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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