Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
