i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
