Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
