dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
