What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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