I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
