If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
