So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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