if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i think my cat just said my name.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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