You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
