can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
