I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
