Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
