I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
