she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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