I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize