i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
