We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
