This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
