i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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