what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
