No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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