Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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