yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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