haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
