I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
