i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
