i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
