Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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