I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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