Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
