oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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